Lead me into the deep where it is dark and the light shines bright
All was dark and I could not see. Sleepless nights, anxieties, doubt, anger and regret took up residency in my soul for years. Hope intermingled with despair weaved itself like strands of embroidery floss. With no recognizable picture before me I could not tell where one color stopped and another started. One bad situation after another clouded the sunlight and I felt raw inside as a bitter, dank November day. And as far as I could tell I was obeying the will of God and writing what I could about hope. As my fingers keyed the words, I kept telling myself, “this is true, even for me, when I cannot experience it”.
And people told me to write, keep writing. You have talent and a gift. But I knew something they didn’t. I still know. While I navigate through a hopeful place, there are still some very dark places.
What do you see when you look from the shore out towards the ocean? The color darkens as it gets deeper. From 1,000 meters, about 0.62137 miles below the ocean’s surface, there is no natural light. The sun does not penetrate that far down. Light travels until something blocks it. Then it is absorbed, consumed by it. But the light isn’t extinguished as is a flame. The sun does not set. The sun remains in the center of our solar system. The rotation of the earth keeps the heat and light of the sun from burning everything up.
We need darkness. We need shadow. Our bodies and minds need to relax, rest and sleep. We were not created for the full exposure of the sun, nor should darkness be a frightening place.
SEEING CLEARLY
I was part of a demonstration once for a deep sea diver. It was in a pool and I put on the equipment and the goggles and went under the water. Through the lenses everything was crystal clear. Unfortunately I saw only legs and the lines on the floor. He was recruiting students and all that equipment and instruction came at a hefty price. The added fact I have very little endurance as a swimmer gave no question to me answer.
The thought of it all is romantic. I wonder about the world beneath the sea; its colors, its variety, its silence, (or is it?). I wonder if the deep sea diver ever wonders why more don’t engage with him in this totally alien environment.
“DEEP CALLS TO THE DEEP… (PS 42:7 NASB).”
What about depth? If I go too far under the water the pressure builds and my head feels like it will explode. This brings me quickly floating to the surface. Each person has a depth capacity. One of the most important training points in deep sea diving is how and when to decompress when you need to release pressure. We are such a buoyant people. Even divers have to put on heavy equipment to help keep them down.
The secret of decompressing is the key to going deeper.
HOW DOES ONE DECOMPRESS?
What about my life? I have had moments of passion, but not always the other elements to sustain its mobility and growth. The one passion that has continued is my Christian walk, but even there I see many times where my own opinions, excuses, attitudes and my lack of motivation and energy have kept me from experiencing the hope and abundant life that Jesus spoke about.
After much thought and study I am understanding the state of repentance is the stance a Christian should always maintain in his/her life. It is not just for salvation.
Repentance is the key to releasing the pressure, allowing us to descend deeper into Christ’s life.
Without it, the burdens of not being able to enter into the joy of the Lord just hold you captive. See, in the Christian life, to stay down is the way to be up. God is higher than us at all times. His thoughts are greater than ours. He is on a throne, we are on the earth.
I think we, in many ways, defy gravity. When it comes to our pride, our excuses, our self image, who we think we are as well as who we may become, we float in fear. We have been told to get up when we are down, get over it, buck up and shut up. There is a time for each of those actions, but any one of those can be misinterpreted by our emotions.
I HAVE ONE SET OF EYES
What you see with your eyes can only be translated. We have seen countless pictures of the underwater world but all we really know is in our imagination and perception. We are still far removed from the explanations.
In Scripture;
“…I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of His robe filling the temple (Is 6:1 NASB).”
“As I looked, behold, a storm wind was coming from the north, a great cloud with fire flashing forth continually and a bright light around it, and in it’s midst something like glowing metal in the midst of the fire (Ezek 1:4 NASB).”
“After six days Jesus took Peter, James and John with him and led them up a high mountain, where they were all alone. There he was transfigured before them. His clothes became dazzling white, whiter than anyone in the world could bleach them (Mark 9:2–8 NASB).”
“and in the middle of the lampstands I saw one like a son of man, clothed in a robe reaching to the feet, and girded cross His chest with a golden sash (Rev 1:13 NASB).”
They alone saw these visions. They could only explain them with earthly words that did not come close to what only they were privileged to see. No matter how much we read their words we see only a glimpse. But each one had a relationship with God. With every vision they saw and every word they heard, they repented, giving themselves and their burdens to God and I believe this is what gave them the ability to fulfill God’s will and purpose. How could they withstand all the darkness they encountered and the persecution they endured if in that darkness there was not light? They needed the darkness, as we do.
“He made darkness His hiding place, His canopy around Him, Darkness of waters, thick clouds of the skies. From the brightness before Him passed His thick clouds (Ps 18:11,12, NASB).”
LIGHT AND SHADOW
In my 44 years of being a Christian, It is often not the answered prayers that keep me following.
It is not the light, but the darkness that is the motivator.
I would love to have all my prayers answered, as anyone, and I won’t stop praying earnestly, but if every place was bright there would be no quest, no mystery, no thrill when found, no surprised joy. In heaven it will be that way, for we will have immortal bodies, but here, we cannot take that much light all at once.
My one constant prayer that He continues to answer is “Lord, take me deep, so I can know you and know who I am because of you.” I know He is answering. I sleep better now, I am more settled in my state of mind, I have less anxiety. Is it because life got better? No, situations still mount up and darkness still is around every corner. But there is light in it, and there is hope in it. That is what I write about.
